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What It Is Like To Be An Introvert
Im an introvert, theres no question about it. Im shy, I like being alone and Im good at it, and I avoid confrontation at all cost. Ive always been this way, and Im fine with it. Being an introvert has its good and bad sides, and I guess so does being an extrovert. I wouldnt know, though . Lately this is something Ive thought about a lot for some reason. Maybe because the words introvert and extrovert are being used a lot right now.
Im not so good at making new friends. I find it hard to approach new people without a good reason, and approaching them simply just because is just out of the question. Unless the people I meet have the kind of personality that I immediately identify with it can be awkward and weird to hang out with them at first. As nice as some people are, it takes time for me to form a bond strong enough to really be at ease with them. The friendships I have now are extremely important to me, and I want to keep them up, which sometimes makes things hard. I want to reach out to my friends but at the same time I dont want to push anything. See the problem here? Another thing with friendships thats sometimes hard, is that some of my friends are EXTROVERTS, with all caps. It makes me tired from time to time, to watch them go, to listen to them talk endlessly, having them ask me if Im ok because I havent said a word in a while. Im fine, Im just& Im fine with silence, and Im fine with not doing anything. I dont feel the need to be on all the time. Im not saying all extroverts do, either, but by definition they do and go and socialise way more than us introverts.
I hate phone calls. I never call people, unless I have to. I can honestly say the only two people I call willingly (and only if a text isnt enough) are my mom and dad. With everyone else I text. Im not even comfortable with those voice messages on WhatsApp. Nope. Not my thing. I have a couple of friends who always send voice messages instead of typing a message, and I always type my answer to them. I procrastinate as long as I can when I need to make an official phone call about something, and fortunately theres no need for those too often. I can easily go a few months without talking on the phone. Thank goodness for texts and emails. I also dont like asking for help when Im shopping, and staff approaching me is something I hope to avoid.
Im not comfortable with crying in front of anyone. Im actually highly sensitive and pretty much cry at any movie or TV show out there, but not when Im with someone. I hate fighting with people not only because fighting is never nice, but because that is the only thing that really just makes me cry, and its out of my control. I cry out of frustration more than anything else, and I never know what to say. Also, whenever someone tells me something that requires a big reaction, I always fail 100%. A person could be pouring out their soul to me, and I would just sit there with a blank expression, because I feel stupid displaying the amount of compassion, sorrow, happiness, love, disgust, whatever it is that Im feeling at that moment. I am feeling all of those things, I just dont know how to show it. Sometimes I think of situations and things I would like to tell someone, and I can see myself being open, but when an opportunity presents itself I close up. Its exhausting, let me tell you& Its also probably a big reason why I like writing so much; I can create worlds and characters and have them deal with that stuff, and it makes me feel lighter and better. Writing is my outlet, the most efficient way for me to express myself.
Needless to say, I dont really go out much, and Im completely fine with that. I dont play team sports and I stick with classmates I like and get along with. Besides writing I like to read, and watch movies. Movies inspire me tremendously. I used to draw a lot, but havent been doing that in about four years& Ive been thinking about getting back to that, but so far the only thing Ive done for it is dig up my pencils. To be fair, I am busy with school at the moment. Maybe during Christmas break Ill find time and see how rusty I am. Im also into makeup, another thing I can do by myself, practice my skills and stuff. And, as you know, I started studying sign language this fall. I was a little nervous to go to a class with complete strangers, but our little group turned out to be super nice and we arent anxious with each other.
Im not a spontaneous person, surprise surprise. If Im at school or work and think ahead to a quiet night at home, then thats exactly what I want to be doing then. If someone asks me to go out with them, it completely depends on my mood whether or not I will go, and usually with a few hours warning I wont go. I like to make some sort of plans, although sometimes even I have a moment of spontaneity and will go for anything at a moments notice. I try to remain open to new things, but I need my alone time every single day. I need to have that quiet time thats just mine. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever move in with anyone. It would have to be with someone who understands that need and respects it.
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